You may read my blog posts and think that I’m writing specifically for the general public but the reality is that I write what the Holy Spirit tells me to write in order to keep myself encouraged. Many times when I least expect it and may be feeling frustrated at my current state of affairs (or lack thereof), I’m reminded to go back and read something I wrote prior.
In reading my works, just like when I’m writing them, it puts a smile on my face and gives me comfort to know that I have the strength to keep going. My uncle Chris always said, “Encourage yourself,” and my writings are my way of doing just that. It’s also a tremendous blessing and honor to know that my words are read by you and that you have chosen to follow my life’s journey through my blog. Although my writings are the encouragement I need to receive in order to keep fighting on the path towards my destiny, I hope you too are able to receive something from my experiences.
I’m not perfect, I’ve been through so much and I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the way. I’m learning that even though I’ve already been through many things, my journey of learning and going through tests and trials doesn’t stop at my last lesson. Life doesn’t work out that way, it keeps moving forward! At times, I may hate going through tests and trials for some are and have been pretty painful, traumatic experiences; however, I know the outcome is that I’ll be a much better, stronger person needing nothing and giving all glory and honor to God. It’s His grace and the strength of the Holy Spirit that I’m able to be as vulnerable, honest and transparent with you about my life’s experiences.
Since the injury of my right wrist and hand developed at the end of last year, it’s been a slow, relatively hard, yet steady couple of months. I’ve hated the fact of not writing as much as I want to and I’ve struggled with the reality that my body is taking entirely too long to heal. I’ve grown frustrated of the pain and discomfort I endure everyday and night. I’ve felt sadness by the delay of writing my book as well as not being able to write my thoughts and feelings down on my blog. I know that being a Christian means that I must exercise the same level of patience as Christ but I’d be lying if I said it’s a super easy task to do.
It’s not easy but I strive to be the best version of myself and to utilize my time wisely building physical strength, emotional and spiritual endurance. I’ve come a long way but am still not at the peak I seek. It’s through my prayers, daily studying of the Bible, reading encouraging words and the worship ceremonies I have with myself and God that I’m able to fight through the disappointment and self-doubt that wells up inside of me at times. Most of it, I believe, comes from the enemy trying to make me believe that what God called me to do, my dreams and goals, will never come into fruition. Since I can’t see the future, sometimes looking at my current circumstances, that notion doesn’t seem too far off from reality.
Fortunately for me, I know what God has already brought me through so I know what His power can do. If He chooses, He can speak the words of healing, financial breakthrough and dreams fulfilled on my behalf and it’ll immediately come to pass. Unfortunately for me, God’s not ready to do that just yet. Rather, I believe He feels that I’m not ready to receive the blessings I’m asking for yet. Although my impatience leads me to believe I’m ready, I can admit that I’m not at my peak potential; I still have more work to do. I know there’s still more knowledge and lessons to learn like:
- Understanding I’m not in control,
- Realizing that my body needs rest and time to heal,
- Focusing on the fact that I only get one body so I must take good care of it,
- How to use this waiting period more effectively,
- How perfect God’s timing is,
It’s not easy embracing patience when you feel you’re on the brink of a major, victorious breakthrough. It’s not easy being patient when you feel like this is “your year” and you’ve been stuck in a season of waiting for far too long. It’s not easy being patient when you know you need a financial miracle to come right away. It’s definitely not any easier when you add sickness and physical impairments to the delay.
It’s during the waiting time where I’m finding I have to work extra hard to keep my peace and hold tight to my joy and faith. Anxious emotions try to rear it’s ugly head forcing me to panic about whether or not God is upset with me for having this injured delay or that He’s not pleased with my performance and hard work thus far. I get into this anxious state of needing to please the boss God so much so that I force myself to fight through the pain and work even harder to try to make things happen much faster. Before long, I’m stressed out and worrying myself into a frenzy causing my hand and wrist to swell up more in excruciating pain and throb like a bass drum in a marching band.
Thankfully, just as I was beginning to feel like God is moving too slow for my taste, I was recently reminded of the storied wait times of these great names seen below and what can come about when proper patience is / is not performed while waiting for The Lord’s perfect timing.
These people in the Bible had amazing tasks that God bestowed upon them to complete. Yet even though He came to them one day in their lifetimes and told them what He required them to do, they still had to wait before embarking on those tasks and seeing their destiny’s become fulfilled. So when I feel myself getting antsy about the wait time, I turn right to the Bible for my guidance and strength.
The Bible is the most helpful, powerful tool because it tells stories of when ordinary people were called to do extraordinary things. It gives me perspective and eases my mind to see, know and understand that these people, just like I, were made to wait and work alone in the background seemingly unnoticed, overlooked, talked about, laughed at, ridiculed and shunned by all who watched them working hard on fulfilling their destiny. It helps to know that when all odds were stacked against them, through God’s mercy, they were able to overcome and still achieve everything He called them to be.
I’m sure they were just as frustrated as I feel sometimes at how slowly God moves in this physical world of time. I’m sure they too wanted God to rise and shine and show the world that they weren’t crazy for chasing a dream that God gave them. I’m sure they too hated the tests and trials that came their way. But it’s something my grandmother said to me just a few months ago that rings out like a bell in my ear right now. Often times, I’m reminded of this conversation we had whenever I’m faced with feelings of doubt from the lack of support, physical setbacks, and delays of timing in my life. She said to me,
“Look at Noah! I’m sure people thought he was crazy for building the ark where there was no rain. Yet he listened to God and did what He was told to do. When the rain finally came in the end, he appeared wise and everyone else who doubted him looked like fools. So if you feel like God told you to do something, then go ahead and do it and don’t worry about who else doesn’t believe in your dream!”
That was the most powerful, impactful and one of the realest conversations my grandmother and I ever had about dreams and destinies. To this day, I still appreciate her analogy of Noah as it helped me see things in a whole new light.
I say all this to say that I’m human just like you. Patiently waiting is one of the hardest things I’m trying to achieve. I’m learning that it’s not the waiting that’s important but rather the how you’re waiting that really takes the cake. You can either wait patiently, grinding, studying, reading, growing healthier and stronger spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally while doing all that you can do until your breakthrough comes, or you can pout, moan, complain, have temper tantrums and become depressed by your circumstances. The old me would’ve chosen to wallow in depression but since God has delivered me from that darkest state of mind, I choose to use my time being productive, working hard on becoming the best version of myself.
I may wish things could move like magic at the snap of my finger or a flick of my wand, but I know that I’m not the controller of my life nor that of time. That honor strictly belongs to God. Even though it’s a tough pill to swallow to wait when you know God called you to do something specific, it’s an even worser pill to swallow if you choose to jump ahead of God’s perfect timing.
Everything happens for a reason and for everything there is a season. It may not be exactly when I want it to happen (right now LOL), but I know I must trust that when God allows it to happen, it will be at the right time. I know that many people don’t believe that God spoke to me directly giving me a task to complete nor that my dreams will ever come true; but regardless of their heresy, I know who to put my trust in. I can’t be concerned with how others see me for they only see the surface, they have no idea what God has placed in my heart and mind to do. Just as God did not lead the people of the past astray, I know that He will not lead me astray. Besides, after years of trying things my way and them not working out, I’d much rather try things God’s way. I just have to continue to work on remaining patient during the wait.
Sincerely with love,
Travel photography by IG user: @villepaakkonen