Over the years, I’ve found that change is important in order for growth to take place. I realize that I’ve been talking, well typing, a lot about change lately, but that’s because I’m finding it to be such a crucial, integral part of my personal growth and spiritual alignment with My Heavenly Father, God. Just as the seasons change during the year, so too, should our relationships with ourselves and with the people surrounding us change.
Piggybacking off my previous posts, “The Curse of Being Undervalued,” and, “‘Do You Remember The Times?’ What To Do When You’re Faced With The Past!,” some people are in your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. Many people think that in order to have relationships with people, you’ll have to suffer conflicts, negativity and bad behavior. I am here to debunk that myth for I refuse to agree to those terms.
“A cheerful look brings joy to the heart; good news makes for good health.” (Proverbs 15:30 NLT)
Through my journey in life, after reading the fine print of my life’s contract (the Bible), I’ve learned that in putting myself first, loving and respecting myself, knowing my self-value and worth, as well as my identity in Christ, I do not have to sign on the dotted line and accept any negative terms and conditions enforced by other people. I have the right to adjust myself according to what works for my mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health. Subjecting myself to negativity or behaviors that are not conducive to my own personal well being is not loving myself. No matter who the person is, I alone am responsible for my own happiness and sanity!
“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” (Proverbs 27:19 NLT)
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23 NLT)
Don’t let people’s negative energy drive you insane! How you allow people to treat you is key to growing and understanding your identity. By allowing a person(s) to treat you poorly, badly, selfishly, or just plain rudely shows how you value yourself. When you know who and whose you are, you cannot allow people to treat you like a walking doormat (aka commonly). You are a child of a King, The Most High God; therefore, as a princess or a prince, you have the right and authority to tell people how they should treat and respect you. You have the right to extend or rescind fellowship with any person on this planet. No man / woman has real power; therefore nobody is better or less than any other person. If someone is not adding value to your life, then you have the right to exclude them from further participation in your life. You don’t have to stick around and just take anything that’s being given to you. You are not a rodent scurrying through a piece of trash! If someone is bringing chaos into your personal space, you have the authority to kindly remove yourself from being trapped into their drama.
No relationship is a death sentence but the one we share with God! That’s the only relationship truly worth fighting for. Relationships with people aren’t forever, but God is always with you for the long haul. He wants each and every one of us to know our value, strengths, and worth. He wants each of us to know and understand just how much He loves us. This is why He sends His Word to encourage us and to let us all know that we are worth fighting for.
“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. “There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” (John 3:16-21 NLT)
We each have authority in our lives. It’s up to us to pick and choose who we let subscribe to the adventures of our personal journeys. Teach people how to treat you! Pick and choose the right people to have in your life that will strengthen, encourage, challenge in the right way and uplift you. Don’t just sit around being involved with, or surrounded by people that bring you down and add no value to your life. Saying things like, “I’ve known them all my life,” or, “They’re family,” is no excuse. You have the authority to allow whatever energy you want taken place in your life. You can choose positivity (light) or negativity (evil darkness), but the choice is always yours. Although we cannot choose which bloodline we’re born into; we can choose who we allow ourselves to be aligned with, as well as the influence they have on us.
Remember, you don’t have authority to change anyone but yourself. Only God’s Holy Spirit can convict a person to want to change. However, you can stop being quiet to the negative treatment, thoughts, and opinions from people. Real change won’t come by being silent to their bad treatment towards you. Your hurt feelings matter! You can receive healing if you just be honest with yourself and the people who’ve hurt you. They may not be receptive to your newfound strength of putting your foot down and demanding to be heard, treated fairly / appropriately, commanding that you be loved a certain way, or that you be respected, and that’s okay. Be fine with the outcome knowing that you spoke your truth and took your power back from that person who shouldn’t have had it in the first place.
“They pretend to be kind, but don’t believe them. Their hearts are full of many evils.” (Proverbs 26:25 NLT)
A person can only have control over your life if you allow them to. Don’t let anyone diminish who you are and the light that shines brightly inside of you! You are worthy of love, kindness, respect, support, positive energy and empathy. You matter to God! You have power; therefore, you have control over your life! If the people that hurt you don’t like what you have to say, or if they don’t change their behavior in how they treat you, then recognize the blessing that God is giving you. God shows each of us what we need to see when we relinquish control and allow His Holy Spirit to work in and through our lives. He will show you the true character and nature of a person and where you stand in their lives. When that revelation arises, move on quickly feeling free and empowered to surround yourself with people that are for you, instead of those against you.
Everything happens for a reason. God shows us the true nature of people in order to reveal our strength and power. He makes no mistakes! Every time I’ve prayed, God showed up and answered my prayers. If I prayed about a person, God showed up by revealing to me where I stood in their life. When I saw behavior(s) that weren’t aligning up with my purpose / dreams, or that didn’t make me feel good, or that continued after I told the person how they made me feel, if they played the victim, refused to change or continued treating me in the way that hurt me, I recognized in that moment that God was answering my prayers. It was time to take my power back, love myself more and let go of the negative energy and entity that was bringing me down.
To wrap this thing up, the biggest lesson as it pertains to change wasn’t just about recognizing who was a good person(s) to have in my life, or that I didn’t have to subject myself to negative behavior because of my connection to a person. The lesson I learned was that I had the courage and strength to take back my power and be my own woman. I didn’t need validation from people. I didn’t need people to like me. I didn’t even need people to see my value and worth. I just needed to learn how to see these positive attributes within myself.
I believe that’s the whole point that God tries to show us in our relationships with people. Instead of focusing so much energy on what’s not working, or trying to fit in with people, or trying to get your value and worth from another person, we as individuals need to understand our own power and authority. We do not need anyone’s approval nor validation for how we live our lives. We do not need to subject ourselves to bad behavior in order to feel loved or to maintain a connection with people. We can learn how to properly receive love by the way we truly love ourselves and in knowing just how God loves us. We only get one life. We have to use it wisely taking our encounters with people as lessons, learning from them and growing from them in order to be the best version of ourselves. I openly share my journey with you as I strongly encourage and believe that you, too, must embrace change freely and wholeheartedly if you’re truly looking to #LevelUp in your own life and be all that God created you to be.
Sincerely with love,
(Follow on Instagram: @AndreaGees)
Travel photography by IG users: @christofs70 , @kardinalmelon